Tid-Bits From Ben

Archive for the ‘Life Lessons’ Category

It’s not easy to deal with painful emotions head-on. But it’s a key to good health and well-being physically, mentally and spiritually. If we don’t deal with pain when it occurs, it will resurface as compounded emotional toxicity later on — showing up as insomnia, hostility and anger or fear and anxiety.

As a further complication, if you don’t know how to deal with feelings of anger and fear, you’re likely to turn them inward at yourself, believing, “It’s all my fault.” That guilt depletes our physical, emotional and spiritual energy until any initiative or movement feels impossible. We feel exhausted and paralyzed, leading to depression.

You can learn how to recognize painful emotions right away and how to effectively “metabolize” and eliminate pain.

Overcoming difficult emotions such as fear, anger, guilt and anxiety can bring the same disguised benefits that dealing with a physical illness can bring. Patients suffering from life-threatening illness often report that their diseases have taught them to love and value the other people in their lives more deeply than before they became ill. During recovery they learn to appreciate and understand areas of life that they took for granted before. While anger, fear and worry are not diseases, we can grow from them even as we process them to become the person we want to be.

By turning to our inherent intelligence, harmony and creativity, we can create a positive outcome; but if we are emotionally turbulent, we are too agitated to access that possibility.

Why meditation is part of this exercise

Through meditation we can experience our silent self beyond our thoughts and emotions. This is our internal reference point for equilibrium. From here we can create a desired outcome. To restore balance in our life, meditation must be an essential ingredient.

It is also important to support this with balanced activity in the basic areas of diet, exercise and sleep.

Assuming these fundamental balancing components are in place, I would offer an additional exercise to specifically address what to do in the face of intense anxiety and fear.

Learn how to metabolize pain with this seven-step exercise

Toxic, turbulent emotions have one cause — not knowing how to deal with pain. Pain is normal in life, but suffering isn’t. When we do not know how to deal with pain, we suffer.

1. Identify and locate the emotion physically

Set aside a few minutes when you won’t be disturbed. Sit comfortably and close your eyes. For a few minutes, just meditate in silence. Focus on your breathing — or if you prefer, you may use a mantra.

Now with eyes still closed, recall some circumstance in the recent past that was upsetting to you. It may be a time when you felt you were mistreated, an argument with your partner, or perhaps a past injustice at work. Identify some instance where you felt emotionally upset.

For the next 30 seconds, think in detail about that incident. Try to picture what actually happened as vividly as you can, as if you were reporting it for a newspaper. Here, you are the observer watching this event. You are not the event, argument or emotional upset; you are merely witnessing what is happening from the perspective of your silent self. You are carrying the effect of the meditation you just did, allowing you to maintain a vantage point that is not overshadowed by the quality of the emotions.

Now identify exactly what you are feeling. Put some word on the incident that describes what you are experiencing. Be as precise as you can. Do you feel unappreciated? Insulted? Treated unfairly? Give the feeling a name. Come up with a word that epitomizes the painful experience. Focus your attention on that word.

2. Witness the experience

Gradually allow your attention to move away from the word. Let your attention wander into your body. Become aware of the physical sensations that arise in your body as a result of the emotion you’ve identified.

These two elements — an idea in the mind and a physical sensation in the body — are what an emotion truly is, and they can’t really be separated. This is why we call it a feeling — because we feel emotions in our bodies.

Let your attention pass through your body as you’re recalling this experience. Locate the sensations the memory brings up. For many it’s a pressure in the chest or a sensation of tightness in the gut. Some feel it as pressure in their throat. Find where it is in your body that you’re feeling and holding the emotional experience.

3. Express the emotion

Now express that feeling. Place your hand on the part of your body where you sense that the feeling is located. Say it out loud: “It hurts here.” If you’re aware of more than one location for the pain, move your hand from place to place. At every location, pause for a moment and express what you’re feeling. Say, “It hurts here.”

When you experience physical discomfort, it means that something is unbalanced in your experience — physically, mentally or spiritually. Your body knows it — every cell in your body knows it. Befriend these sensations and their wisdom, because the pain is actually leading you to wholeness.

Writing your feelings out on paper is also a valuable way to express the emotion. This is especially effective when you can write out your painful experience in the first person, in the second person and finally from the perspective of a third person account.

4. Take responsibility

Be aware that any painful feelings you experience are your feelings. These feelings are happening inside your body now as you remember the pain, even though nothing is actually taking place in the material world. You’re only remembering what happened, yet your body is reacting with muscle contractions, hormonal secretions and other responses within you. Even when the painful incident was occurring in the material world, the effect was entirely within you. You have choice in how you interpret and respond to emotional turbulence. Recognizing this is taking responsibility for your feelings.

This doesn’t mean you feel guilty. Instead, it means you recognize your ability to respond to painful situations in new and creative ways. By taking responsibility for your feelings, you can also gain the power to make the pain melt away. You’re no longer blaming anyone else for having caused the pain, so you no longer have to depend on anyone else to make it go away. Hold that understanding in your consciousness for the next few moments.

5. Release the emotion

Place your attention on the part of your body where you’re holding the pain, and with every exhalation of your breath, have an intention of releasing that tension. For the next 30 seconds, just feel the painful sensation leaving your body with every breath. Some people find that making an audible tone that resonates in that part of your body where the pain is localized helps to loosen and lift the contraction away.

You can also experiment to discover what works best for you. For some people, singing or dancing does the trick. You may try deep breathing, using essential oils, or taking a long warm bath. Finally, if you have written out your emotions on paper, it can be helpful to ritually burn the paper and offer the ashes to the winds.

6. Share the outcome

Sharing the outcome of releasing your pain is important because it activates the new pattern of behavior after the old painful pattern is released. Imagine that you could speak to the person who was involved in that original painful incident. What would you say to that person now?

Bear in mind that he/she was not the real cause of your pain. The real cause was your response. In your transformed state, you are now free. So you can share what happened without blame, manipulation or seeking approval. Perhaps they intended to cause you pain, and you may have unwittingly collaborated in that intention. Maybe you would like to say you no longer intend to fall into such traps.

Whatever you say is totally up to you. As long as you have an awareness of the steps we’ve taken so far in this exercise, whatever you say will be right for you.

7. Celebrate the process

Now you can celebrate the painful experience that had taken place as the valuable material that helped you move to a higher level of consciousness. What was previously a disconnected, destructive and disabled part of your psyche is now integrated and contributing its power toward your greater spiritual goal. Instead of responding to the situation with a pain reflex, perpetuating the problem, you’ve turned it into an opportunity for spiritual transformation. That is something to celebrate! Go out for a nice dinner or buy yourself some flowers or a present to honor the new you.

I use this exercise whenever you feel upset, to free yourself from emotional turbulence and the underlying pain. When you do that, you’ll find that opportunities will arise more often in every area of your life.

Confidence can come from all the different areas of your life, friendship included. That’s why it’s so important to routinely take an inventory of your friendships to make sure that each one is a healthy part of your life. So imagine yourself being at a traffic light. Now you need to ask yourself, “Does this friendship need to stop, do I need to yield and gather more information about our friendship, or am I good to go with it?”

Friendships can be a wonderful resource. They can provide us with emotional, psychological, physical, and even financial support. They can put a smile on our face, provide a place for our tears to fall, or offer an antidote to loneliness. On the other hand, friendships can sometimes be an unhealthy burden, a lure to trouble, or a culprit in your lack of confidence.

Let’s start with the friendship that may be negatively contributing to your confidence and may in fact be adding to your self-doubt. So what should you look for:

Top 5 List For When it may make Sense to Question a Friendship

1. Drama- If there are constant ups and downs in the relationship. Hint: Things are going great or not well rather than smooth and steady.
2. Finger Pointing- If your friend keeps telling you how you could be a better friend and never takes responsibility for her or his end of the relationship. Remember: There are two people who are equally responsible for the relationship. Are all your friends telling you how to be a better friend or do you just fall short according to this friend’s expectations?
3. Exhaustion- Your friend expects and assumes that you will always be the one to go out of your way to make yourself available to her and its not reciprocated. Tip: Friendships are about equal give and take over time and not hoping or wishing or waiting for someone to change.
4. Exclusivity- Your friend bad mouths your other friends and often puts you in a position to have to chose this relationship over another. Hint: Do people warn you about this relationship or does this person seem to go through a lot of friends?
5. Doubt- You find yourself questioning whether you want to call this person or make plans with them. Tip: Ask yourself what you would genuinely like to do not what you think you should do.

Do any of these sound familiar to you? If you’ve answered Yes to some of these, then it makes sense to take some time to examine your relationship.

Think about your relationships that involve no drama, finger pointing, exhaustion, exclusivity, or doubt. Clearly, those are the relationships worth your energy to nurture. When one of the top five issues arises, it’s time to decide if that minus is outweighed by the pluses of the relationship or if that minus overwhelms any pluses. Without pluses to compensate for the short-comings it might be time to put your energy into nurturing healthier relationships.

Friendships worth going towards are worth the effort. Communication will help make them better. Express your feelings and needs and problem solve when necessary. Delay action if more information is needed. Time will provide you the data to choose the wise path. If a relationship is in the yield zone, put the energy into improving it. Let your friend know what they are doing that bothers you and what they can do to make it better. Give them a chance. If change does not come, have the courage to stop and put your efforts where the yield is healthier.

My friends are very important to me, and I wrote this blog to help me mentally figure out relationships.  I guess this is how I think, and it works for me.  What about you?

An elderly woman unfamiliar with Starbucks and her moderately mentally impaired son wait in line at Starbucks. The son starts barreling his mother with questions. Both are overwhelmed with the abundance of choices and appear baffled. The coffee barrista is inundated making drinks and the cashier can barely keep up with the traffic. I watch as a complete stranger offers to help and provide a lengthy discussion of the options. (I do well to order regular coffee at Starbucks, so I was no help.) Without experience, ordering from Starbucks is like trying to communicate in a foreign language: tall means small, grande means medium, and vente means large.

Once all options have been explained and their selections are decided, I place the order for them. The impaired gentleman sips his grande caramel Frappachino and munches his chocolate chip cookie with glee and turns to the stranger and says, “Thank you so much, you are the nicest person I have ever met.” His mother also bestows an emphatic thank you and I watch as they all leave with a giant smile on their face.

Who gained the most in this transaction? Although it is true that the individuals asking for help gained the information they sought and the satisfaction with their purchase, the greater gain was on the part of the giver. I as the giver gained the most. A rush of positive feelings enveloped me and new energy found its way into my steps. I gained the satisfaction of knowing I helped someone which gave me the opportunity to feel good about myself. I would have liked to thank them for their gift of allowing me the chance to help.

Think back to the times you may have helped out another person. How did it make you feel? What did you gain? We often lose site of the big picture when we get caught up in our own microscopic views of things. When it comes to asking for help, we can get in our own way. Instead of seeing that we are giving others an opportunity to feel good about themselves, we think incorrectly that asking for help means we are a burden.

We also get in our own way when we make asking for help mean something about us when it doesn’t. We may think asking for help means we are weak, inadequate, less desirable, helpless, inferior, or any other derogatory label that comes to mind. The reality is that asking for help does not indicate anything about us; it simply means we need help in a specific situation at a specific time. It is not a reflection of our character, intelligence, competence, or desirability. It is actually a sign of strength and wisdom to seek out help when you need it. Next time you need help have the confidence to ask for it knowing that it can truly benefit you both. Everybody gains! Keep in mind the giver is gaining a boost to their confidence knowing they are a good person and the good feelings that come from that and the recipient gets the help they need.

“There is a certain way that a man stares at the woman he loves. The man looks like a boy on his birthday and he treats the woman like she was a gift that he has waited SO long to open, and now he can’t wait to see what the treasure is inside.”

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Wow!! What a neat analogy. Wouldn’t it be awesome if love worked that way every time?  I mean, wouldn’t be awesome if you we could all just find that perfect mate who treated us like the valued treasure that we so want to be?

Unfortunately for so many of us, we have to look far and wide for the one who is right for us.  Rather than focus on the negative of this process, I have been thinking of the positive side of this.  For those of you who are TCK, you can relate to the fact that you can learn so much from those you encounter each day.  Dating is no different.  As you meet new people with the potential of finding the partner for life, you learn SO MUCH about relationships, selflessness, and even love.

I think that is why dating was invented and important.  In the old days, you were simply placed with someone by your parents.  However, what if you weren’t made for each other?  What if that is not the person that was destined for you?  Isn’t it a tragedy that there are those around us who aren’t given the opportunity and privilege of choosing their life partner?

My challenge to myself and others is to embrace your freedom.  Don’t spend all your time looking for love.  No, let love find you.  This kind of goes with my post where I previously spoke of dating multiple people at once. While you are single, you are free to meet new people and develop relationship skills that will last through your marriage.  You can travel freely and meet people from other cultures.  You may even find another TCK!!  Whatever single means to you, look at the positive side of it, and not the negative side of it.  Because when love hits you, you will have the rest of your life to enjoy it!!

“So how does it happen, great love?  Nobody knows… But what I can tell you is that it happens in a blink of an eye.  One moment you’re enjoying your life, and the next you’re wondering how you ever lived without them.”

—>Expatriate – to withdraw (oneself) from residence in or allegiance to one’s native country or to leave one’s native country to live elsewhere; also : to renounce allegiance to one’s native country.

“The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.”

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Lately I’ve noticed that there had been a lot of discussions in various expatriate forums (on LinkedIn, Twitter, and others) about the difficulties of repatriation.   And, of course, I have also chatted with other TCKs who had repatriated or were facing repatriation. Just last night, I was asked by a friend, where I felt home was?  Wow….home…..Where is that?  Am I “homeless”?  I mean, I have somewhere to live, but do I have a home?

For me there are two kinds of “homelessness”. One has to do with feelings of not belonging — the feelings that come to many of us when we return home after a long expatriation – or trip afar. We find that not only have we changed, but also that our home country has changed. If we fit together before like pieces of a puzzle do, we don’t seem to fit together now. And so we begin the quest of trying to fit in, to belong, to make a “home” — a quest that for many ends up in an overseas stunt again.

And then there is that second “homelessness”. This one is more logistical in nature although it’s no less frustrating. It presents a dilemma for those of us who don’t have a house to come back to and, upon repatriation, have to find a place to live. Having been used to the housing that often differs from what’s available at home — in both quality and character — we go through denial, disappointment, frustration, and finally feelings that “one has to compromise somewhere” all in a span of the first few weeks.

This second “homelessness” is the one that has been affecting me. I had to move out of my apartment and moved back home.  It is awesome that my parents are allowing me to move in there temporarily, but it feels weird. Any other time, it would feel like home – and it still is – but it is not the same as when I was a teen. Then again, when I was living by myself, it did not feel like home either.  Why is that?  Why do I feel so disillusioned. I try to think where to put the various mementos I’ve accumulated from my expatriate travels, I try to see myself in the new place and imagine it being my “home” for the next few years, and I try to predict if I am ever going to “love” it.

The truth is that I really loved every one of my overseas houses. And I feel that loving the place were you live accounts for a good percentage of your happiness as an expatriate. For in every place you go you thrive to make a home for yourself and your family. A home that will be your sanctuary and support you when things get tough. The same remains true when you repatriate. “Loving” your new home in your old home, or your home country, is important.

And so I am continuing my search for that one place that will speak to me, that one place that I will know I will come to love. What about you? What was your experience like in finding your “new home” in your own country?

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As always, I hope you enjoyed listening to my useless rambling.  Make it a Great Day!!

~Ben

Ben Adams

http://bitsfromben.solutionsforlifeco.com

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. ~Lin Yutang

I moved in July, and now I am moving again and it is only October.  Moving sucks!!  No doubt about it…  This last move makes time 25 for me!!  I have moved 25 times in my life!!  I don’t really know if I should brag about that or not!!  However, one thing I can say, is that I have learned how to live out of a box!!  Here are some tips on moving that have helped me.  Actually, these are more thoughts.  I would love some of your input too!

Summer is usually a natural transfer season for many expatriates out there in the world.  And as we all know, transferring from one post to another or transferring back home means … moving and packing.  Moving and packing your family, your household, your pets, your… well, life.

Most people I know don’t find the process of moving very inspirational.  Even if your company pays for movers and even if they will be doing the actual packing, you still have a job to do.  A job that consists of organizing your stuff for the movers.  And if you are anything like the majority of humans out there, you probably accumulate a lot of “stuff” during any given post.

I always hear that one of the hardest things about organizing a move (apart from saying good-byes… which we’ll talk about in the near future) is deciding what to take and what not to take with you.  Those decisions not only take time, but also force us to say yes to some memories and no to the others.

So how do you decide which memento of the past still deserves a place in your life and which doesn’t?  How do you decide which one of your possessions to leave behind?  And what is the ultimate test that helps you determine what will stay?

I have a system.  It may or may not work for you, but I found that it works wonders for me.  When I begin the moving process I ask myself the following questions about those things that I consider leaving behind:

•    What is the energy behind this thing?  What feeling do I get from it?
•    What does it represent to me now?
•    How important is it to me now?
•    How important is it to my future path?

Many objects that we hold on to may represent who we were long ago and not who we are now. Some may come from times that have been difficult and resonate with memories of sadness; others may have been symbolic to us in the past, but no longer carry the same meaning. Why hold on to them then? Why drain yourself and your house of energy with clutter that is not useful for who you are becoming?

When people, who have not experienced expatriate lifestyles, say to me how difficult it must be to move every few years, I usually respond that it’s a blessing and an opportunity.  It allows me to part with the old and invite the new into my life.  And that’s what I find very inspirational.

What about you?  How do you move?  Maybe you can give me an inspirational tip for my next move!!

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As always, I hope you enjoyed listening to my useless rambling.  Make it a Great Day!!

~Ben

Ben Adams

http://bitsfromben.solutionsforlifeco.com

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. ~Lin Yutang

I was having a conversation with a couple of TCKs online and the conversation of dating and the differences between countries came up. Then we drifted to relationships in cross cultures and ended up talking about arranged marriages. Well, in America, things are very different. Here is one thought on a series of thoughts I have on dating in America. Please comment!!  (Also please excuse the misspellings…I wrote this in a hurry)

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So, I was thinking the other day…Dating is really complicated and America is not the culture where you always marry the first person you meet.  I mean in Guyana, you marry the first person you meet – maybe the second if you have a good reason not to marry the first.  In Haiti, it is the same way, but you can have seven wives.  So, if you mess up the first time, you still have to keep her but you get seven more chances to get the one you want.  Hmmmm….Don’t know if that system works for me either!!  So, in America it is probably wise to date multiple people, get a good perspective, and make your choice on who you want to pursue seriously for marriage right?  At least you have the freedom to do that in America.

Why you SHOULD date multiple people: Lets say, Hypothetically speaking, you want to get married at some point in your life. Maybe that point is at the age of 25. Maybe it’s 30 or 35. Either way, lets also assume that you “seriously” begin looking for a life-long partner at the age or 21. This means that you have 5 to 15 years to find “the one”. 15 years may sound like a long enough time but also you need to factor in the length of an average relationship and the length of the “recovery period” after breaking up. This means that by dating only one person you could, potentially end up spending 15 years of your life with 3 people and ending up single. This is not your goal. So, it is my suggestion to spend your time wisely.

I think that the number one rule to dating multiple people and not ending up with a major headache and broken out car windows is just to be honest. Tell him or her that you’re not looking for anything serious at this time but you’d like to “hang out” and see what happens.  The key to any life long relationship is a solid friendship.

Here are some steps and thoughts that I have on dating multiple people and finding the one meant for you.

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1. Be honest. If you’re dating multiple people at once, make that clear to someone who appears to be moving fast or wanting to take things further than you’re presently comfortable with. Just say “I’m not looking to start anything steady with anyone just yet.”

2. Avoid going to your favorite hangouts when you date multiple people. If you’re dating multiple people and you keep going to your favorite spots, you’re bound to see someone else you’re dating, and that will be incredibly awkward (if not lead to an argument).

3. Make sure that the people you are dating know the boundaries. Don’t lie about your feelings for the sake of sex or to protect them.

4. Let a date know as soon as it’s over, and avoid leading them on. If you’re dating multiple people but find that you’re a good match with one, tell the others and let them continue their search gracefully.

5. Keep your family out of it when you’re dating multiple people. Having your friends meet the people you date isn’t bad since you can get their honest opinions and make an informed decision about the future. Just don’t introduce your dates to your family, especially your parents. Under normal circumstances this sends a very powerful (and affirmative) message to your date.
7. End if it’s over.  Did I say this already?  Maybe because I am trying to make a point!! Why lead someone on? If the first date sucked and the second date wasn’t any better, why make them anticipate plans for a third date? Remember that just because you had a ad time doesn’t mean your date did. I have been out with my fair share of ladies who I thought were as dull as a butter knife, but for some reason they couldn’t wait to see me again. The truth may hurt but it’s better to get it over with early.
8. Lastly, Don’t Sleep Over. Dating multiple partners doesn’t mean having multiple sexual relations. If sex is your true interest then there’s other ways to go about finding it, for example, Craigslist, bars, and Backpage If you are really looking for real long-term mates, no matter how tempting, don’t stay the night. Sex complicates things and this is not the direction you should move in.

This may or may not be the best advice, but that is why I posted it on my blog, because I would like to hear from you.  What are your thoughts on dating multiple people?  How do you think that should be handled?  Do you think it is wise to casually date multiple people?

“At different states in our lives, the signs of love may vary: dependence, attraction, contentment, worry, loyalty, grief, but at the heart, the source is always the same. Human beings have the rare capacity to connect with each other, against all odds.”

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Romance is such a complex thing for humans.  Everyone craves loves and wants to be loved, but different cultures have taught us to do it in different ways.  In some country, it is proper to buy your wife.  In other countries, you must accomplish an obstacle course or some great physical feat to win your wife.  Other places you may court her and lavish her with gifts.  In America, we have this neat thing we like to call “dating”  Even dating can be complex and often confusing.  Do you bring flowers; do your open doors; what is the latest fad in wooing the love of your heart?

Well, as confusing as that is for those that have grown up in one culture and country, think about those who grew up in multiple countries.  I know that for me, it often seems very confusing to have lived in Haiti, Guyana, and America.  I often find myself bringing qualities and traits from other cultures into America and then later realizing that it isn’t cool.  Many times, I feel unsure that I will ever find anyone who will understand and love me which quickly leads to discouragement.  I don’t want to ask her out, because she will just say no.  I don’t wear the right clothes or say the “cool” thing.  I don’t lift weights.  I even notice that it often affects me on the dance floor and my confidence in asking a lady to dance.  I mean what if I start dancing like they do in the Caribbean.

I am working really hard to train and teach myself that I am special because I am me.  That is easier to say than believe, but it is important for me to know.  I will find someone who likes me because I am me, and not because of all the countries that I have lived in or the fact that I speak another language.  Most of all, I don’t need to “settle” for second best in my love life.  I can be confident in knowing that there is the ultimate “someone” out there for me, and that there are dates waiting to say yes out there for me.

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Studies show attractive people prefer to associate with others like themselves.

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The secret of beauty and attractiveness has been a quest of humans for as long as we have been civilized. Many women (and some “metrosexual” men) spend up to one-third of their income on looking good. Why?

While we instinctively know what appeals to our own sense of beauty — we know it when we see it — defining what determines attractiveness is not always easy. In frustration, we often give up and claim that “beauty is in they eye of the beholder.” But is beauty really a personal phenomenon?

So, all technicalities aside, my message to all TCKs, MKs, and Adopted Kids out there, be PROUD of who you are.  You are attractive, and there are lots of people who know and believe that.  You may not like the way you look but someone else does.  As long as you take pride in yourself, you will reflect a positive vibe.  If you walk around with a negative vibe, people will feel that and most likely reject you.  I am going to work harder at believing in myself, my abilities, and knowing that I am truly a beautiful person.  I think you should too!!

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As always, I hope you enjoyed listening to my useless rambling.  Make it a Great Day!!

~Ben

Ben Adams

http://bitsfromben.solutionsforlifeco.com

“A third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture.”

—>Let’s face it. We all want to be happy. We all realize, sooner or later, that outer success does not produce lasting happiness. So what does? Loving ourselves and loving others. In fact, we can only love others authentically when we love ourselves. So why is it that some people seem to feel self love easily, while others spend their lives searching in relationships or career accomplishments to find it?

Here are some simple steps on your journey to happiness…

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1. Something to Do. How many times have we felt unhappy with life because we simply had too much idle time? I know it has happened in my own life. When I get bored, I get down, and I only snap out of it when I start to get busy again. The thing is, we have to recognize this pattern and stay busy to keep our mood elevated. Find a hobby. Volunteer your free time. Learn to cook. Coach youth sports. There are endless possibilities for “something to do” if we take the time to look.
2. Something to Love. Friends and family are such an important element to our ultimate happiness. During a traveling phase at my last job I spent a number of lonely nights hundreds of miles away in a hotel room on business. I was in foreign surroundings, working in a job I didn’t particularly like, in an industry I didn’t believe in (credit/financial services). The one source of inspiration to get through those nights was my family. Even though my career situation has since improved, I still think of my wife and kids when I get down and can’t help but smile. If you are single, you may have a best friend that always knows just how to pick you up, or make you laugh when you want to cry. Pets can even be an incredible source of companionship, there to greet you at the end of a long day. I’ve had pets most of my life and marvel at their willingness to love us unconditionally.
3. Something to Hope For. Everyone should have something to hope for. Something that drives them towards a goal. It’s been said that if you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time. Have something to aim for; a dream that you hold close and never let completely out of sight. When people lose hope they get complacent, and complacency often leads to a poor attitude. This self-perpetuating cycle of negativity can lead to serious depression, and ultimately harm cherished relationships. I know, I’ve been in a rut myself and I lost sight of the dreams I once held close. But all hope is never lost, you just may have to work a little harder temporarily to catch up and see those dreams around the next corner again.

“The only difference in a rut and a grave is six feet.” If you find yourself in a rut, stop digging. Start moving in the direction of your dreams and things will begin to improve. If your goal is debt freedom, stop charging to your credit cards and start paying all you can pay on outstanding debts. Do not be overwhelmed by the distance to the finish line. If your goal is to lose weight, do not focus on how far you are from your goal weight. Instead, take it one day, one meal, one bite, one workout at a time and begin to move in the direction of your dreams.

The bottom line is we are responsible for our own happiness. Government programs, promises from elected officials, and pats on the back from bosses may offer temporary mood boosts, but ultimately happiness is a self-induced state of mind. Be responsible for your own happiness.

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I don’t know where I heard this at, but “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”  This is a personal challenge for me.  I often think I know the path to happiness or chase what I think will make me happy, so I often miss the next path of true happiness which is right beside me.  My challenge to myself and you, is to learn to be content with where you are.  “Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

As always, I hope you enjoyed listening to my useless rambling.  Make it a Great Day!!

~Ben

Ben Adams

http://bitsfromben.solutionsforlifeco.com

~ If a trainstation is where the train stops, what’s a workstation?  ~

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. ~ Helen Keller

I had a conversation the other day, that today is not the best of times to be a Good Samaritan.  Though I agree that today is the day to exercise caution, I got a warm reminder of why I enjoy helping others this weekend.

Last night, I heard a big bang, and sounds like a door closing and some other noises outside.  So, I grabbed my pistol and went out in my skivvies to check it out.  I thought maybe I had visitors.  If me in my skivvies did not scare them, I am sure the pistol would!!  LOL  Well, it was a black family of four who had a flat tire.  I told them to come back to the house.  On the way back, they got a second flat tire.  OK so maybe the back tires were a bit warn out, but that is not the point.  Well, I did not have a second spare, so I gave them a ride in the van to Athens.  They were very grateful, and offered to pay me which I declined.  On the way to Athens, I found out that the guy was a minister, and had a Haitian deacon at the church as well.  I will definitely have to visit their church.  It is amazing what happens when you do a kind deed.

The sad part of this story is that Madison County Sheriff had stopped.  He made them get out and searched the car, but when he could not arrest them, he told them to “call” if they needed anything.  The gentleman thought, but did not say, “If there was ever a time I need you, it is now.”  It was about a half mile down the road and he drove by my place.  It is really sad that our Sheriff was so concerned with a man and woman in a suit, and two kids in night clothes sleeping in the back, but would not help a family in need.  Some would say what I did was dangerous.  Don’t worry, I was careful.  But, what if I had not helped them?  Would I not be like the Pharisee or the Levi who passed on the other side of the road?  On Friday evening, I stopped for a 19 year old who had ran out of gas on the side of the road on the way to Commerce.  (A huge city near where I live.    I went to the gas station and bought gas for him.  He paid me double for the gas, and again, it felt good to help him.  He was in an old Ford and had tears in his eyes, as he was about to be late for his new job.  Again, I was careful because of the times, but could see he was out of gas.  When I stopped, I found it was a guy I went to school with at Madison County in Sixth grade!!  A good deed can go a long way.  I hope that when I run out of gas, someone will stop for me.

Now, I am sleepy at work from being up for two hours last night, but it was worth it.  It may be too dangerous to help those in need, but I am willing to take the risk!!  Here is the question – who are you willing to go out of your way and help?  Maybe you should not stop at the side of the road like me, but think about what you can do for those around you…