Sandra Bales – who is a good friend of mine – has had a really tragic blow tonight.  Her childhood home has burned down and her Mom, Sister, and Stepfather have no belongings left to their name.  Both her Mom and her step-dad have health issues.  1) Please pray for the Bales family.  2) If you can donate clothes, food, or even money; I will pay to get it to them or drive it to them myself.  They live right across the GA/NC line in Murfees, NC.  Please call me at 706-614-3187 or Sandra Bales at 770-846-0651 if you can help.  You can also e-mail me at yourconnection.net@gmail.com. Thank you so much to all your wonderful support!!

—>Expatriate – to withdraw (oneself) from residence in or allegiance to one’s native country or to leave one’s native country to live elsewhere; also : to renounce allegiance to one’s native country.

“The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.”

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Lately I’ve noticed that there had been a lot of discussions in various expatriate forums (on LinkedIn, Twitter, and others) about the difficulties of repatriation.   And, of course, I have also chatted with other TCKs who had repatriated or were facing repatriation. Just last night, I was asked by a friend, where I felt home was?  Wow….home…..Where is that?  Am I “homeless”?  I mean, I have somewhere to live, but do I have a home?

For me there are two kinds of “homelessness”. One has to do with feelings of not belonging — the feelings that come to many of us when we return home after a long expatriation – or trip afar. We find that not only have we changed, but also that our home country has changed. If we fit together before like pieces of a puzzle do, we don’t seem to fit together now. And so we begin the quest of trying to fit in, to belong, to make a “home” — a quest that for many ends up in an overseas stunt again.

And then there is that second “homelessness”. This one is more logistical in nature although it’s no less frustrating. It presents a dilemma for those of us who don’t have a house to come back to and, upon repatriation, have to find a place to live. Having been used to the housing that often differs from what’s available at home — in both quality and character — we go through denial, disappointment, frustration, and finally feelings that “one has to compromise somewhere” all in a span of the first few weeks.

This second “homelessness” is the one that has been affecting me. I had to move out of my apartment and moved back home.  It is awesome that my parents are allowing me to move in there temporarily, but it feels weird. Any other time, it would feel like home – and it still is – but it is not the same as when I was a teen. Then again, when I was living by myself, it did not feel like home either.  Why is that?  Why do I feel so disillusioned. I try to think where to put the various mementos I’ve accumulated from my expatriate travels, I try to see myself in the new place and imagine it being my “home” for the next few years, and I try to predict if I am ever going to “love” it.

The truth is that I really loved every one of my overseas houses. And I feel that loving the place were you live accounts for a good percentage of your happiness as an expatriate. For in every place you go you thrive to make a home for yourself and your family. A home that will be your sanctuary and support you when things get tough. The same remains true when you repatriate. “Loving” your new home in your old home, or your home country, is important.

And so I am continuing my search for that one place that will speak to me, that one place that I will know I will come to love. What about you? What was your experience like in finding your “new home” in your own country?

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As always, I hope you enjoyed listening to my useless rambling.  Make it a Great Day!!

~Ben

Ben Adams

http://bitsfromben.solutionsforlifeco.com

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. ~Lin Yutang

Trivia

Where can you recycle toothpicks?

Kulang, China runs seven centers for recycled toothpicks. People bringing used toothpicks to the recycling centers are paid the equivalent of 35 cents per pound.

Where do most Roses come from?

Eighty percent of the world’s rose species come from Asia.

How large can an egg get?

The largest known egg ever laid by a creature was that of the extinct Aepyornis of Madagascar. The egg was 9.5 inches long. It had a volume of 2.35 gallons.

Why weren’t Egyptian Men Bald?

According to Greek historian Herodotus, Egyptian men never became bald. The reason for this was that, as children, Egyptian males had their heads shaved, and their scalps were continually exposed to the health-giving rays of the sun.

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Humor

I moved in July, and now I am moving again and it is only October.  Moving sucks!!  No doubt about it…  This last move makes time 25 for me!!  I have moved 25 times in my life!!  I don’t really know if I should brag about that or not!!  However, one thing I can say, is that I have learned how to live out of a box!!  Here are some tips on moving that have helped me.  Actually, these are more thoughts.  I would love some of your input too!

Summer is usually a natural transfer season for many expatriates out there in the world.  And as we all know, transferring from one post to another or transferring back home means … moving and packing.  Moving and packing your family, your household, your pets, your… well, life.

Most people I know don’t find the process of moving very inspirational.  Even if your company pays for movers and even if they will be doing the actual packing, you still have a job to do.  A job that consists of organizing your stuff for the movers.  And if you are anything like the majority of humans out there, you probably accumulate a lot of “stuff” during any given post.

I always hear that one of the hardest things about organizing a move (apart from saying good-byes… which we’ll talk about in the near future) is deciding what to take and what not to take with you.  Those decisions not only take time, but also force us to say yes to some memories and no to the others.

So how do you decide which memento of the past still deserves a place in your life and which doesn’t?  How do you decide which one of your possessions to leave behind?  And what is the ultimate test that helps you determine what will stay?

I have a system.  It may or may not work for you, but I found that it works wonders for me.  When I begin the moving process I ask myself the following questions about those things that I consider leaving behind:

•    What is the energy behind this thing?  What feeling do I get from it?
•    What does it represent to me now?
•    How important is it to me now?
•    How important is it to my future path?

Many objects that we hold on to may represent who we were long ago and not who we are now. Some may come from times that have been difficult and resonate with memories of sadness; others may have been symbolic to us in the past, but no longer carry the same meaning. Why hold on to them then? Why drain yourself and your house of energy with clutter that is not useful for who you are becoming?

When people, who have not experienced expatriate lifestyles, say to me how difficult it must be to move every few years, I usually respond that it’s a blessing and an opportunity.  It allows me to part with the old and invite the new into my life.  And that’s what I find very inspirational.

What about you?  How do you move?  Maybe you can give me an inspirational tip for my next move!!

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As always, I hope you enjoyed listening to my useless rambling.  Make it a Great Day!!

~Ben

Ben Adams

http://bitsfromben.solutionsforlifeco.com

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. ~Lin Yutang

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”

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I was thinking yesterday about how busy life is these days. Not just for me, but for most people in America who are not retired. In America, you always here your grandparents talk about “the good old days” where life was so much simpler, yet we think how could you do without a food-processor, TV, and a riding lawn mower? How did the tools that are supposed to make our lives easier and more efficient, cause us to be busier then ever?

I lived in Haiti for ten years. Haiti is the poorest country in the world with most of it not having electricity. I mean we had lights at night from a solar panel, and we had rain water gravity-fed down for drinking water, but some did not even have that. Most of you are going to say, “that is an extreme” so let’s go to another country.

My favorite country that I have lived in is Guyana, South America. It is still on the list of the poorest countries in the Western Hemisphere, but they are much better then Haiti. To start with, most people have TV.  Now that I have everyone’s respect and attention again….LOL

What I loved about these countries, is that life is so much simpler. You actually socialize with your neighbors. The whole suburb gets out and plays soccer or cricket together.  Family comes first, school second for most, and you learn the value of working together.  If you don’t greet those you are walking by or driving by, you are rude and a snob.  Here, if I greet people in big cities like Atlanta, I might get shot at with a bird or worse.  At the very least, you get a weird stare.

You don’t have Thanksgiving once a year, you have a Thanksgiving when you have a new event in your life, or just want to have a bunch of friends over for a meal. (Here you call it a Grill Out) I guess my point is that the less you have the more you appreciate those around you. You also have less stress. No, you are not making $70K per year, but you are happy and you have friends & family close. Sometimes, I wonder if that is not better…

What are your thoughts? Would you like to socialize more with your neighbors or do you enjoy living your own life? Would you enjoy a simpler life, or do you appreciate each and every one of your luxuries? If you could have a perfect country – politics aside – what would it look like? I would LOVE to hear your opinion.

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As always, I hope you enjoyed listening to my useless rambling.  Make it a Great Day!!

~Ben

Ben Adams

http://bitsfromben.solutionsforlifeco.com

~ Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing ~

Since I am in the South, I guess these are appropriate!!

SOUTHERN MEDICAL TERMS..:..:

.

Benign..What you be, after you be eight

Artery..The study of the paintings.

Bacteria..Back door to the cafeteria.

Barium..What doctors do when patients die.

Caesarean Section..A neighborhood in ..:namespace prefix = st1 />Rome.

Catscan..Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize..Made eye contact with her.

Colic..A sheep dog.

Coma..A punctuation mark.

D&C..Where Washington is.

Dilate..To live long.

Enema.. Not a friend.

Fester..Quicker than someone else.

Fibula..A small lie..

G.I. Series..World series of Military baseball

Hangnail..What you hang your coat on.

Impotent..Distinguished, well known..

Labor Pain..Getting hurt at work.

Medical staff.. The doctors cane.

Morbid..A higher offer.

Nitrates..Cheaper than day rates.

Node..I knew it.

Outpatient..A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear..A fatherhood test.

Pelvis..Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative..A letter carrier.

Recovery Room..Place to do upholstery.

Rectum..Pretty near killed him.

Secretion..Hiding something..

Seizure..Roman Emporer.

Tablet..A small table.

Terminal illness..Getting sick at the airport.

Tumour..One plus one more.

Urine..Opposite of you’re out.

Varicose..Nearby, or close/

South West Airlines doing a rap.  Pretty cool!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivjybzdXVmI

Love is an interesting subject to me.  But I am not the only one to think so.  Many scholars and psychiatrist have spent HOURS trying to determine what love is.  What is love? I was thinking how many different levels of love there is. I was thinking of couples in Love. It starts with that warm, butterfly feeling that branches into so much more. The appreciation of the things one does for another….The appreciation of companionship….The appreciation of a person’s beauty no matter what others think about them…..Is that what love is? Or is it the willingness to feel so deeply for someone that you would do anything for that person – the way a mother feels for her child or a husband for his wife. Then again, best friends do that too. What about the sexual attraction. People say anyone can have sex – the animals do that. But think about the experience when you are making love….It is so much sweeter.

There are more books written on Love then any other topic.  Love is mentioned 610 times in the Bible. Solomon wrote a song about love. There are songs about love then about any other topic. 91% of the songs out there are about love. The world thrives on love….love for a country, love for your neighbors… Love for me has been the sweetest and most bitter emotion that I have ever experienced.

One lesson that I have learned is that in the end, love is worth it. Whether the love is returned or even if the love is a secret that you may hope someone finds out about…your secret lover…LOL Maybe you have a best friend that you would do anything for and spend every day with. Isn’t that awesome that humans have that ability? My dog Precious can not love the way I can – not even my pet monkey Alvin that I had before.  I firmly believe that having someone you can say you love is worth it. Last night I had the song below on my mind and it brought about this blog. I also had the verse below on my mind as I thought about what love is. Tell me what you think love is. Reply to this blog or send me a message.  There is a CONTACT FORM on the blog, or you can comment on the blog below.  I want to hear what you have to say about love!!

HAVE YOU EVER
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can’t sleep at night
Have you ever tried the words
But they don’t come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You’d do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You’d give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don’t know what to say
And you don’t know where to start

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can’t sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don’t come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever found the one
You’ve dreamed of all your life
You’d do anything to look in their eyes
Have you finally found the one you’ve given your heart to
Only to find that one won’t give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta do to get in your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
‘Coz baby I can’t sleep

I CORINTHIANS 13:4-8
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end… And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

NOTE: Someone said this makes it look like I am desperate for love.  That is not necesarily true.  I am just stating what I think of Love, and I want your opinion.

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I had posted this on MySpace about two years ago, and there were some awesome comments, so I want to post them below:

FLO BUSH
“What is love? That is a question I continue to struggle with. It seems to me there are many kinds of love. I love my parents because they have always loved me and always told me so. I love my little brother even though he’s a butthead. I love my friends and I would do anything for them if they needed me. I even love my dog, although probably in a different way… In a way I love all people, because I just don’t believe in doing anything else. Even people I dislike or can’t stand to be around, I still appreciate them and love them for being who they are in their own way…or at least I try.

Love is not something I struggle with, but its where to draw the line between love and being “in love.” I think there is a different feeling when you fall in love with someone, its not the same as the love you may feel for your parents or friends. It can be much more intense and wonderful, but it can also cause greater heartache. I think it is this feeling that so many people are trying to understand, that so many people write and sing about. It may be something that is beyond comprehension…I don’t know.

As for sex, I agree there is a huge difference between having meaningless sex and making love…I also think that you can “have sex” with someone you love and “make love” with someone you aren’t necessarily in love with. I don’t know if that makes sense or not, but I’m stickin’ to it. And on that note, I will end with a line from my favorite Beatles song: All you need is love!”

DONNA VERNE
“Truly, there are different levels of love and facets of love. I “love” your quotation from 1 Corinthians 13. That is the definition of the God-kind of love, which is as we’ve always heard — “unconditional.” Most people don’t love that way (and it’s no surprise). And those of us who claim Christ struggle with it as well. The best way to get over the hump in that respect, I think, is to pray for the people we struggle with loving. I know that it works.

I cannot say that I have experienced the type of romantic love that many people have at some point in their lives. Maybe a crush or two, but I was not emotionally healthy in those days so it’s hard to be objective about those days. I do believe, however, that there are differences in how men and women find themselves in love — or the roads that lead to that place. I do not like the term “fall in love” because it denotes too much “chance, iffy, uncontrollable” circumstances. I do believe we have some control over it, and in fact, according to the Word of God, we’d better. The God-kind of love is a decision, not a feeling. So for that kind of love, we do have control over it.

I also believe that too many of us don’t believe that we need to change our ways, and basically, following Christ is all about changing from who we are into the image of Christ in us. That’s why a lot of people get hurt “in love.” Someone is not willing to change for the better (or neither is willing to change). Love is willingness to put myself aside for another — no greater love has a man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

FLO BUSH (In response to Donna’s Comment)
“I really like this comment, but I must disagree with one point. I think if people change it should be for their own reasons. I don’t think people should have to change who they are for another person, or ask another to change for them. True love is loving someone for exactly who they are, faults and all. That’s just my opinion, anyway=)”

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As always, I hope you enjoyed listening to my useless rambling.  After I start my new job, I may not have time to write much for a while. Don’t worry though, you will hear from me from time to time.  Be happy, enjoy life, and remember to tell someone you know and care about that you love them.  Make it a Great Day!!

~Ben

Ben Adams

http://bitsfromben.solutionsforlifeco.com

Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

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I have had a lot of things that have happened in the last couple of months.  As a matter of fact, my whole life has been busy.  I have been feeling really depressed the last couple of weeks.  Normally, when hard times hit, I am able to stay positive and think of ways out, but there are a few times in life where it is really hard to remain positive.  This is one of those times.  So, I was thinking that since none of my usual methods work for getting rid of bad days, I would try something new….talking about it or in this case writing…

So, what does one do when they are depressed?  What does one do when they have trouble getting up in the morning?  What do you do when the things that usually make you feel better no longer work?  For me, I play piano, guitar, read, or ride motorcycle.  I don’t have a motorcycle right now, and piano and guitar aren’t working.  Turning on the music loud does not git rid of the down feelings – not even Misty Jean or Arash’s joyful music work.  I can’t concentrate enough to read, so that is out the window.  Some would say sex….well, that is not an option right now.    Some other things that I am thinking of taking up include jogging???  That requires energy which I don’t have a lot of right now.  If you are going to comment on this post, you could comment on what you do to get rid of the depressed feelings.

Here is what I am doing.  I am forcing myself to get up early each morning whether I feel like it or not.  This forces me to have to face reality.  I also try to think positive thoughts throughout the day.  This helps me from just dwelling on the negative.  Another thing I try to do is stay busy.  Even during the period that I had no job, I stayed busy so that I am not sitting and moping.  When I was not busy, I was out dancing, watching a movie, or doing something to keep me busy.  I believe that is key.  I guess I am just trying to do all the things that I recommend it to a friend.  It is easy to give advice, but not always as easy to follow.

I think one of the biggest of areas of need has been positive relationships in my life.  Through recent events, many of my friends have gone and new ones have come.  The true ones have stayed which is awesome.  More than that though, I have made two really awesome friends  – one whom I knew since small, but lost touch with; and a second whom I have known for a while, but is proving to be a very good friend.  I think as important as parents, romance, lovers, and church family are to each person – friends are as important if not more-so.  What if your problem is with your wife, parents, or girlfriend?  Then who do you go to?  Those close friends that you build and can confide in.  I am so used to having to move every couple of years, so I am really excited that this time I will be staying in one town or city for a while.  At least, I hope that is the case.

So, I guess the positive in my life right now is that I have a family that loves me – no matter how much they may drive me crazy sometimes.  I have a job – actually three of them!!   I have a place to live right now.  I don’t have a car, but I have a plan.  That is a start at least.  I have made some awesome friends, and some new hobbies like Swing Dancing, Salsa Dancing, and playing board games.  I am even a member of a band.  So, life could be worse – it could be a lot worse.  It just takes putting it all on paper to see that!!

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Well, thanks for listening.  I hope you don’t mind my useless ranting and raving!!  This actually seems to work – this and watching the funny Youtube videos below.  Here are two of them!!

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Yeah, I could totally be singing this song!!  This is awesome!!

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– Ha Ha….No eating at Chinese for a while.  I guess this McDonalds will do though!!

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I was having a conversation with a couple of TCKs online and the conversation of dating and the differences between countries came up. Then we drifted to relationships in cross cultures and ended up talking about arranged marriages. Well, in America, things are very different. Here is one thought on a series of thoughts I have on dating in America. Please comment!!  (Also please excuse the misspellings…I wrote this in a hurry)

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So, I was thinking the other day…Dating is really complicated and America is not the culture where you always marry the first person you meet.  I mean in Guyana, you marry the first person you meet – maybe the second if you have a good reason not to marry the first.  In Haiti, it is the same way, but you can have seven wives.  So, if you mess up the first time, you still have to keep her but you get seven more chances to get the one you want.  Hmmmm….Don’t know if that system works for me either!!  So, in America it is probably wise to date multiple people, get a good perspective, and make your choice on who you want to pursue seriously for marriage right?  At least you have the freedom to do that in America.

Why you SHOULD date multiple people: Lets say, Hypothetically speaking, you want to get married at some point in your life. Maybe that point is at the age of 25. Maybe it’s 30 or 35. Either way, lets also assume that you “seriously” begin looking for a life-long partner at the age or 21. This means that you have 5 to 15 years to find “the one”. 15 years may sound like a long enough time but also you need to factor in the length of an average relationship and the length of the “recovery period” after breaking up. This means that by dating only one person you could, potentially end up spending 15 years of your life with 3 people and ending up single. This is not your goal. So, it is my suggestion to spend your time wisely.

I think that the number one rule to dating multiple people and not ending up with a major headache and broken out car windows is just to be honest. Tell him or her that you’re not looking for anything serious at this time but you’d like to “hang out” and see what happens.  The key to any life long relationship is a solid friendship.

Here are some steps and thoughts that I have on dating multiple people and finding the one meant for you.

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1. Be honest. If you’re dating multiple people at once, make that clear to someone who appears to be moving fast or wanting to take things further than you’re presently comfortable with. Just say “I’m not looking to start anything steady with anyone just yet.”

2. Avoid going to your favorite hangouts when you date multiple people. If you’re dating multiple people and you keep going to your favorite spots, you’re bound to see someone else you’re dating, and that will be incredibly awkward (if not lead to an argument).

3. Make sure that the people you are dating know the boundaries. Don’t lie about your feelings for the sake of sex or to protect them.

4. Let a date know as soon as it’s over, and avoid leading them on. If you’re dating multiple people but find that you’re a good match with one, tell the others and let them continue their search gracefully.

5. Keep your family out of it when you’re dating multiple people. Having your friends meet the people you date isn’t bad since you can get their honest opinions and make an informed decision about the future. Just don’t introduce your dates to your family, especially your parents. Under normal circumstances this sends a very powerful (and affirmative) message to your date.
7. End if it’s over.  Did I say this already?  Maybe because I am trying to make a point!! Why lead someone on? If the first date sucked and the second date wasn’t any better, why make them anticipate plans for a third date? Remember that just because you had a ad time doesn’t mean your date did. I have been out with my fair share of ladies who I thought were as dull as a butter knife, but for some reason they couldn’t wait to see me again. The truth may hurt but it’s better to get it over with early.
8. Lastly, Don’t Sleep Over. Dating multiple partners doesn’t mean having multiple sexual relations. If sex is your true interest then there’s other ways to go about finding it, for example, Craigslist, bars, and Backpage If you are really looking for real long-term mates, no matter how tempting, don’t stay the night. Sex complicates things and this is not the direction you should move in.

This may or may not be the best advice, but that is why I posted it on my blog, because I would like to hear from you.  What are your thoughts on dating multiple people?  How do you think that should be handled?  Do you think it is wise to casually date multiple people?